Tonight I got a suprise call from someone I would have never thought to be calling. My brother.
Make that my half brother.
I haven't talked to D since I saw him at my niece's wedding three years ago. In fact, I haven't really talked to that side of my family for almost that many years. So I admit I was pretty apprehensive about him tracking me down and calling me at 11:30 pm his time. (He lives in SC in the same small country town he grew up in)
Turns out, he's been searching for me for about a year and finally called information for my mom's number and then got mine. After a few minutes of catching up -- basically I got married, he got divorced -- we talked about Dad. Growing up, I always knew D felt abandoned by my dad when he was very little. The same way I felt abandoned by Dad when I was much older. In the 20 minute conversation we had tonight, I told him the story and he could understand exactly how I felt. I suppose it was comforting that *someone* knew since everyone else sympathizes, but really, who really understands exactly how you feel? (Which is a good thing, I would never want anyone else to feel like I had)
Then it hit me. David never felt like he belonged to anyone. The same way Dad had ditched me once he had a new family, my brother was ditched. Only he was six and I was in my late 20s. Though I still feel cautious in exploring my re-found brother, I do understand the feeling of wanting to belong. To feel some type of link, a tie that bonds.
David was there when I was going through the adjustments of growing up -- fights with parents about coming home too late or getting caught with (shhh!) pot first year of college (It wasn't mine! Honest!) or dealing with little shit boyfriends who tried to play mind games so I'd sleep with them before I was ready. David was there. David would watch scary movies with me and then stay up with me until I couldn't stay awake anymore -- because I was too scared to go into my dark bedroom and lie there awake.
So in a way, David and I belong to each other. I was there at his graduation and was in his wedding. He used to pick me up at Great America when I got off work (Yes I worked there. Yes I was a Smurf) He would tease me about guys who would come to the house. I would tease him about the girls he went out with.
I'm still cautious but I realize that it's only because I don't really know how to handle THAT side of my family. After Dad I sort of cut off all ties. But there's David and our sister Linda, her husband and their kids (who now have their own kids from what David told me)
It's sort of weird to deal with a re-introduction to this part of my family. Especially since now Mooze and I have our own little family. I suppose it's part of growing older and learning different roles.
If Dad could only see us now.